How Far Is Too Far?

Have You Ever Asked This Question?

When it comes to dating, sex, and purity, this is one of the most prominent questions we have been asked.

We can distinctly remember a time in our early dating years when we were at a youth gathering and the topic that evening was sexual purity. At the end, they opened it up for questions, and a kid just a couple of rows in front of us asked, “How far is too far?”

In response, the guy leading the discussion humiliated the kid, making him feel like he was dirty for even having that kind of thought. There was one major problem for us: We were thinking the same thing; we just hadn’t asked it.

“Are we allowed to hold hands? Can we kiss? If we can kiss, what kind of kissing?” Ever had those thoughts? Yeah, us, too. Over the past several years, we have come to the conclusion that if you are asking, “How far is too far,” you are not dirty; you are normal!

We’ve all asked that question!

But, what if it’s the wrong question?

What if you can find a way to make the most of your relationship and still stay pure? If that’s your goal, we have three better questions than, “How far is too far,” that you should ask:

1. Does this please God?

“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord . . .”
Colossians 3:23a (NKJV)

Dating has had a bad rap for far too long. There is a way to date that is actually honorable to God.

Next time you start to ask, “How far is too far?” instead ask, “Is this pleasing to God?” This question will help unravel any intentions you may have that aren’t aiming for purity.

Remember, God loves you and has your best interests in mind. You don’t have to be afraid of asking this question. He is not looking to kill the excitement. He wants you to achieve a healthy place in dating that is both vibrant and pure.

2. Will I have to hide what I’m doing from anyone?

“For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light.”
Luke 8:17 (NKJV)

If what you and your date want to do has to be hidden, then it should not be done. While you will probably never feel comfortable parading your affection in front of either of your parents, if push comes to shove, you want to be able to say with confidence that you have nothing to hide.

Ultimately, as stated in Luke 8, there is nothing you have hidden that will not eventually be brought into the light anyways. Make it one of your highest goals, especially in dating, to live with nothing hidden.

3. Would I ever encourage someone else to do it?

“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.”
Mark 9:42 (NKJV)

Pause for a minute. Think of someone you know who is single, whom you deeply care about. (It may be a sibling or your closest friend.) Now, pretend you are encouraging them to do with someone else what you want to do with your date. Are you giving them good advice? Are you, as a believer, pushing them away from Christ? It’s interesting how differently we see things when the tables are turned. If you would not advise someone else to do what you are contemplating, don’t do it.

One Final Thought…

As we wrap up, we want to leave you with a final thought. There is a reason we are so passionate about your sexual purity. When you reserve yourself for marriage, you are able to give yourself to your spouse on your wedding night without anything missing or broken. The more you save, the more you have to offer in that special moment. Even if you’ve gone further than you would ever like to admit, you can turn to Jesus who is able to bring about complete and total restoration.

We challenge you to take these three questions to heart and let them guide you on your journey of purity.

 

This blog is an excerpt from The Rules Of Romance Before Marriage.

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