Question:
How far is too far?
When it comes to dating, this is one of the most prominent questions we have been asked. We can distinctly remember a time in our early dating years when we were at a youth gathering and the topic that evening was sexual purity. At the end they opened it up for questions and a kid just a couple of rows in front of us asked, “How far is too far?” The guy leading the discussion, in response, humiliated the kid, making him feel like he was dirty for even having that kind of thought. There was one major problem for us—we were thinking the same thing, we just hadn’t said it. “Are we allowed to hold hands? Can we kiss? If we can kiss, what kind of kissing?” Ever had those thoughts? Yeah, us too. Over the past several years we have come to a conclusion—If you are asking “how far is too far?” you’re not dirty, you are normal. But what if it’s the wrong question? What if you can find a way to make the most of your relationship, and yet, still stay pure? If that’s your goal, we have three better questions than, “How far is too far”, that you should be asking.
1. Is this pleasing to God?
“And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord…” (Colossians 3:23)
Dating has had a bad wrap for far too long. There is a way to date that is actually honorable to God. Next time you start to ask, “How far is too far”, instead ask, “Is this pleasing to God?” This question will help unravel any intention you may have that isn’t aiming for purity. Remember, God loves you and has your best interest in mind. You don’t have to be afraid to ask this question. He is not looking to kill the excitement. He wants you to achieve a healthy place in dating that is both vibrant and pure.
2. Will I have to hide what I’m doing from anyone?
“For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light.” (Luke 8:17)
If what you and your date want to do has to be hidden, then it should not be done. While you will probably never feel comfortable parading your affection in front of their parents, if push comes to shove, you want to be able to say with confidence that you have nothing to hide. Ultimately, as stated in Luke 8, there is nothing you have hidden that will not eventually be brought to the light anyways. Make it one of your highest goals, especially in dating, to live with nothing hidden.
If what you and your date want to do has to be hidden, then it should not be done. Share on X
3. Would I ever encourage someone else to do it?
“But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea.” (Mark 9:42)
Pause for a minute. Think of someone you know, who is single, that you deeply care about. Maybe a sibling or your closest friend. Now pretend that you are encouraging them to do with someone else what you want to do with your date. Are you giving them good advice? Are you, as a believer, pushing them away from Christ? It’s interesting how differently we see things when the tables are turned. If you would not advise someone else to do what you are contemplating, don’t do it.
As we wrap up, we want to leave you with a final thought. There is a reason we are so passionate about your sexual purity. When you reserve yourself for marriage, you are able to give yourself to your spouse without anything missing or broken on your wedding night. The more you save, the more you have to offer in that special moment. Even if you’ve went further than you would ever like to admit, you can turn to Jesus who is able to bring about complete and total restoration. We challenge you take these three questions to heart, and let them guide you on your journey of purity.
Caleb and Ali live in East Tennessee where they serve at The Lift Church. With boldness and conviction, their deepest desire is to see the church revived and the world awakened. Learn more about The Lift by visiting theliftchurch.tv.
