Question:
Is a little bit of PDA appropriate? How much is too much?
PDA (Public Display of Affection), where should we begin? First you should know, we’re not against it. If you’re with someone that you are actually serious about, than PDA is fine, in moderation. That’s the key. Here are seven rules of romance for all of your public displays of affection:
1. Are you making your date uncomfortable?
We get it, you are in love and you want the entire world to know. But before you take your courageous stand publicly, ask yourself, “How would this make my date feel?” Look, we have all seen a relationship where the guy’s feelings are much deeper than the girl’s feelings, or vice versa. In this kind of relationship, PDA can become very uncomfortable, very quickly. Any type of affection shown publicly sends a message. Though you may not be all that into your date, once your friends catch you holding hands, they are likely to think something much different. If all of the sappy affection your date shows you in public makes you feel uneasy, then let them know. Set boundaries! Be clear on what is, and is not ok with your date. Rule number one: If it makes them uncomfortable it’s off limits.
2. Are you making others blush?
I’ll never forget my first week in high school. I almost went into shock! Coming from a small middle school that strongly upheld their strict policies, I had anticipated the next four years leading up to graduation to be no different. Boy, was I wrong. There were couples swapping spit at nearly every corner. I could literally feel the blood rushing to my face. No one is interested in seeing you and your date mouth to mouth. It can wait. Have a little class. Rule number two: A red face is your PDA stop sign. If you see one, you need to stop whatever you’re doing.
3. The Parent Test.
We knew a guy, we’ll call him Tyler, who, in the world of PDA, epitomized everything you should never do. To this day, when this fella comes to mind, the only way I can see him is with his face glued to another one of his girlfriends. We are writing about PDA to try to prevent you from ever becoming like Tyler. He’d been talked to by countless people about how inappropriate his actions were. Nothing seemed to work. Finally, his dad came up with a brilliant idea. One weekend when Tyler had went to the mall with all of his friends, his parents decided to show up. When they spotted them in the food court, they got within viewing distance and tested their idea. Right in front of all of his friends, they started kissing and hugging up on each other. Immediately Tyler came running over to stop them as all of his friends where laughing and making fun. “Stop! What are you guys doing? You’re embarrassing me in front of all of my friends!” Tyler had fallen right into his dad’s trap. With a sly grin on his face his dad said, “We’re just doing to you what you and your girlfriend keep doing to us.” This marked the end of Tyler’s wild PDA adventures. Rule number three is the moral of the story. If you would be embarrassed by your parents doing in public what you and your date do in public, then don’t do it.
4. That’s not their name, and that’s not your voice.
While pet names and baby talk may be cute to you, it is nauseating to everyone else. PDA is not just what you do, it’s also what you say. While we all know that talking vulgarly is unacceptable, many dismiss the little things that cause others to clam up. If you want to make everyone around you feel awkward, just talk to your date like no one else is in the room. The strange voice coupled with the weird names you call each other will certainly turn heads. Though you should always treat your significant other with the utmost care and respect, you don’t have to do it at the expense of public edict. At least while you’re around others, use their real name and use your real voice. Otherwise, don’t go out in public, it’s just weird! Rule number four: Refrain from pet names and baby talk in public.
5. If it’s covered, it’s off limits.
During high school we saw our fair share of awkward trends. One in particular was a bit more disturbing than the rest. A lot of guys started walking around with their hand tucked into their girlfriend’s back pocket. Weird, right? When reminiscing about those obscure times, we came to this conclusion: If you can’t see it with your eyes you shouldn’t touch it with your hands. This not only applies when you’re in public, but private as well. So what should you do, undress? No! There is an area, commonly referred to as the Triangle Zone, which is off limits. This zone is the area covering the chest, the crotch, and the behind. If you follow our fifth rule you’ll stay clear of this area, and stay in safe territory. Rule number five: Don’t touch what’s covered.
6. The world is still spinning.
When it comes to PDA, how much is too much? We have a simple question that we use as a barometer. Ask yourself: Is my public display of affection stealing the focus of others? If the answer is “no”, you’re fine, if “yes”, you are out of bounds. When PDA becomes a distraction, it becomes a problem. Even though you’re in love, the world keeps spinning. People have better things to focus on. Life can’t go on-hold just because you’re head over heels. Let’s say you and your date are in church. It’s a little chilly and you deiced to bust a move. You do the fake yawn and wrap your arm around your lady. As you do it, you notice that a few people on the other side of the room are now looking at you instead of engaging with the minister. Is your arm being around your date really more important than the life changing word of God being planted into someones heart? No! The sixth rule is simple. Don’t be distracting.
When PDA becomes a distraction, it becomes a problem. Share on X
7. This isn’t theater.
During a high school choir performance we visited, a young lady decided she was going to make a public declaration of her unending love for her boyfriend who would be graduating that May. She mapped it all out in her mind. It was going to be epic. The show began, and when it was time for her performance, she mustered up the courage and took the stage. Opening her act she gave a sappy speech dedicating the song to him. In the middle of her presentation she got off the stage, walked out to the crowd, and started singing right to his face. Guess what happened at the end of her song? Crickets. Not a sound. The entire theater felt awkward. In movies, this type of PDA is nobel. In real life, it’s a rarity. Is it ok to take such a bold stand? Can you have a moment where you publicly display your affection for your date in a dramatic way? Sure! Just proceed with caution. Here’s what we are saying: you should dream big. Be heroic. Envision your plan with a soundtrack behind it. But when it comes to PDA, act much more soberly than you think. Otherwise you might be a little embarrassed when all is said and done. Rule number seven: Dream big, act sober.
PDA is a big deal! The way you express your affection in public says a lot about who you are. We want to help you stay in bounds. There is a balance you can find that allows you to show affection with dignity. We believe these prescribed rules can help you stay on the right track and strike the balance!
Caleb and Ali live in East Tennessee where they serve at The Lift Church. With boldness and conviction, their deepest desire is to see the church revived and the world awakened. Learn more about The Lift by visiting theliftchurch.tv.
