Finding a date is easy. Finding a good date . . . Well, that’s a different story.

As believers, we should never approach this kind of relationship flippantly. Whatever we invest in, we are influenced by. If you are going to put the time, energy, and emotional investment into a relationship, it should be with someone worthwhile.

When you’ve found an individual you like, link up with a trusted mentor or your local pastor and ask for their advice. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to what you should look for in dating. That’s why you need leaders in your life who can help you make wise decisions.

However, there are seven non-negotiables that everyone should look for when it comes to dating:

1. Someone who has made God their first priority. 

“’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and your neighbor as yourself.‘” Luke 10:27 (NKJV) 

We firmly believe that you cannot love your neighbor as yourself until you love God with all of your being. This means that until the person you are crushing on loves Jesus more than anything else, they cannot love you the way you deserve to be loved. This may seem a little old school, but there is still no better place to find your date than in the house of God. Who do you know who’s faithful in the local church? Stay on the lookout!

2. Someone of a good reputation. 

“A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, loving favor rather than silver and gold.” Proverbs 22:1 (NKJV) 

Everyone, to some degree, is known for something. Maybe it’s their boldness, their bashful personality, or in some cases, a bad past.

Have you ever heard the saying “Love is blind?” Sadly, this old adage has proven true time and time again. While we do not believe in holding someone’s past against them, neither do we believe in ignoring bad character traits and actions just because we “like” them. Unless someone has committed their life to following Christ, you can tell a lot about where they are going based upon where they’ve been. If they’ve got a bad past behind them, don’t go into their bad future with them.

3. Someone with good friendships. 

“’bad company corrupts good character.’” 1 Corinthians 15:33b (NLT) 

Jim Rohn’s famous statement, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with,” is an essential guide when determining who could make a great date. Look for someone who hangs around people of great character. Without becoming a stalker, see who they are associated with and who makes up their inner circle. The more you discover about those they are involved with, the more you ultimately discover about them.

4. Someone who models a life of consistency and stability. 

“Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statutes!” Psalms 119:5 (ESV) 

You do not want to get involved in a relationship with someone who changes their life’s direction every time the wind blows. Look for someone who is consistent in their daily walk with God and is establishing a lifestyle that can be built upon. This becomes increasingly more important as you reach the age where dating could lead to marriage. Listen, you really don’t want to get stuck with someone you are having to cater to. Playing the role of a parent in a dating relationship is just weird. Consistency and stability are key components in every strong relationship.

5. Someone who exemplifies a life of hospitality. 

“Be hospitable to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:9 (NKJV) 

You don’t want to date anyone who is so self-absorbed that they never think of putting the desires of others before their own. Otherwise, you’ll end up in a relationship with someone who treats you as if you are their servant. The best way we’ve learned to detect whether or not someone is truly hospitable is by getting them around those who cannot benefit them. How do they act with young children or the elderly? What about someone with special needs? Are they kind to them? You want someone who demonstrates genuine hospitality from the heart, not one who acts only to impress.

Ladies, this is especially true when looking for a guy. For example, if you go on a first date with a guy who doesn’t pay for your meal, make sure that’s the last date you go on with them. If he doesn’t show hospitality at first, he won’t later either. Move on.

6. Someone you are physically attracted to. 

“How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful!” Song of Songs 1:15a (NLT) 

If you’ve spent any time reading Song of Solomon (or, as the New Living Translation calls it, Song of Songs), you know one thing’s for sure: These two were really attracted to each other. Physical appearance is not everything, but it is still very important. We’re not saying you shouldn’t date someone unless they’ve won a beauty pageant, but we do want you to know that it is not superficial to decide that you are not interested in someone because of their looks. If they have an excellent personality, but you gag every time you see them, they’re probably not what God has in mind for you. Physical attraction does matter!

7. Someone you could build a friendship with. 

“A friend loves at all times . . .” Proverbs 17:17a (NKJV) 

The best relationships are not built on looks or romance; they’re built on friendship. I’m sure you’ve seen the cartoon of the girl praying that reads: “God, give me a man, someone I can fall in love with!” Then it shows an image portraying God that says, “I did, and you keep calling him your best friend.”

This is huge! When you share life with someone, at some point, they are going to see some of your flaws. If they are around you long enough, they’ll realize that their knight in shining armor has a few dings from battle. That’s why you cannot afford to build your relationship around superficial qualities. When looking for a date, you need to ask yourself:

• Do our personalities mesh well?
• Do we share any common interests?
• Do I find their company enjoyable?

To determine whether or not you should invest in a relationship, these questions can help eliminate empty opportunities with people who would ultimately waste your time. This may require going on a couple of dates, so you can learn more about them. Once you’ve done that, if the only thing you like about them is their looks, pull the plug.

Stay on the lookout! If you find someone who matches these seven qualities, you’ve found a potential candidate. While this process may make things a little bit more tedious, remember: You are far too valuable to invest yourself into just any given relationship. Be patient, stay hopeful, and trust that God knows the desires of your heart!

 

This blog is an excerpt from our book THE RULES OF ROMANCE BEFORE MARRIAGE

CLICK HERE TO GRAB YOUR COPY!