Question:
Will God really bless my sex life if I wait until marriage to have sex?
In our early dating years, we heard countless ministers at abstinence seminars tell us that God would bless our sex life when we got married if we would remain pure while dating. Thankfully, even though it was one of the greatest struggles we have ever faced, we were able to give ourselves to each other on our wedding night for the first time. It was incredible!
Has God blessed our sex life? Yes, absolutely! Did our years of fighting for purity cause God to give us a little something extra that He doesn’t give to those who messed up before marriage? Honestly, we don’t know. We don’t believe that God sits in heaven, looking at one couple and says, “They waited, so I will bless them to have really good sex,” and then looks at another couple and says, “They didn’t wait; therefore, I decree they will be subjected to mediocre sex all of their days.”
Does this mean you can have sex now without it affecting your future? Absolutely not. We actually believe the exact opposite. What you do with someone sexually outside of marriage could complicate things in your life for years to come.
If you aren’t married, but you are sexually active, there are three things you could easily end up struggling with in the future:
1. Comparison.
If you are sleeping around while single, you will no doubt carry memories of those sexual experiences into your marriage. Such memories can easily become the measuring rod for all sexual activities shared between you and your future spouse.
This can be a catastrophic problem! It’s not fair to you or them.
The same principle is true when either person in a relationship carries a history of pornography into the bedroom. If you compare your spouse with the person you were sexually involved with during your past, you are setting your relationship up for failure. Your sexual involvement may seem “alright” at the moment(though it is sin), but when your wedding day comes, you will be shocked to find that your past actions have costly and dangerous side effects. Our advice? Stay innocent.
2. Condemnation.
One of the most common things we hear from those who have battled with sexual sin prior to marriage is how much they wish they never would have given themselves to anyone other than their spouse. They spend countless hours regretting the mistakes of their past.
Condemnation can be deadly. It traps you in the past and leaves you feeling helpless. Inside a marriage, few things could be more damaging. How are you supposed to move forward when your mind is constantly reliving past wrongs? Do you want to fight such thoughts every single time you and your future spouse start to get intimate? To avoid this obstacle, you must get passionate about avoiding sexual sin.
How are you supposed to move forward when your mind is constantly reliving past wrongs? Share on X3. Confidence.
If you have been sexually active, your future spouse may feel as though they have to compete with your past experiences. This means that while you are battling with comparison, they are battling with confidence. What you do today could be setting up your future husband or wife for insecurities tomorrow. We hope you see that your sexual decisions cannot be made lightly.
When you get married, do you want your spouse riddled with a lack of confidence, fighting off thoughts like, “I wonder if they enjoy me more than they enjoyed their ex?”
Of course not!
Sadly, these thoughts are often present among couples who had sex outside of marriage. If you care about your future spouse’s self-esteem and confidence, make sure your decisions today are ones they will be proud of tomorrow.
The Good & Bad
We know this isn’t the easiest subject to address. Though it can be difficult, the joy of saving yourself for your spouse is knowing you can enter into your sex life without comparison or condemnation, which ultimately allows your future spouse to be who they are with confidence and security.
If you’re reading this and are thinking, “It’s too late for me. I’ve already blown it,” not so fast! We have good news and bad news.
Let’s start with the bad news first. You cannot press the rewind button and redo yesterday.
The good news?
You don’t need to. You may not be able to change yesterday, but you can change today. There is only one solution to all of these issues:
His name is Jesus.
When you go to Him in humility and repentance, He will gladly lead you into a place of restoration and redemption. If you are fighting these things, connect with a spiritual advisor, such as your pastor, who can help you begin the healing process. Don’t waste any time. Make a move today!
You may not be able to change yesterday, but you can change today. Share on XThis blog is an excerpt from The Rules Of Romance Before Marriage
Caleb and Ali live in East Tennessee where they serve at The Lift Church. With boldness and conviction, their deepest desire is to see the church revived and the world awakened. Learn more about The Lift by visiting theliftchurch.tv.
